I don't know if you will agree or not, but I've seen too much time and energy spent on these questions, by me and by those I've come across who were close enough to exchange honest thoughts.
I have two important questions:
What exact cost (in terms of time, energy, ...) is paid? and to what cause?
The below extract shows that this is not just my problem:
... and you, Marcus, you have given me many things; now I shall give you this good advice. Be many people. Give up the game of being always Marcus Cocoza. You have worried too much about Marcus Cocoza, so that you have been really his slave and prisoner. You have not done anything without first considering how it would affect Marcus Cocoza's happiness and prestige. You were always much afraid that Marcus might do a stupid thing, or be bored. What would it really have mattered? All over the world people are doing stupid things ... I should like you to be easy, your little heart to be light again. You must from now, be more than one, many people, as many as you can think of ...
– Karen Blixen (writing under the pseudonym “Isak Dinesin”),
from “The Dreamers”, from “Seven Gothic Tales”.